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Tale of the tape

Sports

  1. GLENDALE, AZ - AUGUST 24: Quarterback Carson Palmer #3 of the Arizona Cardinals talks to teammates in the huddle during the preseason NFL game against the San Diego Chargers at the University of Phoenix Stadium on August 24, 2013 in Glendale, Arizona. SAN DIEGO, CA - AUGUST 29: Colt McCoy #2 of the San Francisco 49ers takes his first huddle of the night againt the San Diego Chargers during the first quarter of a preseason game at Qualcomm Stadium on August 29, 2013 in San Diego, California.
    Tale Of The Tape: Arizona Cardinals At San Francisco 49ers

    Carson Palmer is not an elite quarterback. However, he understands what head coach Bruce Arians wants him to do with the offense.

  2. peytoncredit1.jpg maddencredit1.jpg
    More Impressive Stats? Denver Broncos Offense Vs. Playing Madden On “Easy”

    The Broncos are on pace to break some crazy impressive records. But how do the 2013 Broncos measure up against when I play Madden on easy?

  3. San Francisco 49ers v San Diego Chargers Washington Redskins v Oakland Raiders
    Tale Of The Tape: San Diego Chargers At Oakland Raiders

    Philip Rivers is in the midst of a sensational year, but few are noticing because of Peyton Manning’s record-setting start.

  4. Carolina Panthers v Baltimore Ravens San Diego Chargers v Arizona Cardinals
    Tale Of The Tape: Carolina Panthers At Arizona Cardinals

    The Panthers are coming off a huge 38-0 win over the Giants prior to their bye week. The win may have saved head coach Ron Rivera’s job.

  5. elicredit2.jpg boxingcredit2.jpg
    The Giants Losing To Carolina Vs. Little Mac Losing To Glass Joe In “Punch-Out”

    Perhaps the most lopsided battle in video game sports is that of Little Mac vs. Glass Joe – the first fight in Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out! If done correctly, skilled players can knock the beans out of Joe in 42 seconds, flat. Unskilled players can still take him out before three rounds are up. And unskilled players who think too much would wonder – why is a French guy named “Joe”?

    In any case, we here at CBS wondered, what was a more lopsided matchup (and subsequent surprising defeat): Mac vs. Joe? Or the recent Super Bowl champion New York Giants vs. the mostly hapless Carolina Panthers? Let’s go to the tape. Please note that the “winner” of each category is the more humiliating option:

  6. natecredit1.jpg digiornocredit1.jpg
    One Broken Arm Later: Nate Burleson’s Pizza Vs. DiGiorno (It’s Not Delivery)

    Detroit Lions’ wide receiver Nate Burleson is great at receiving both deftly thrown footballs and emergency roadside medical treatment. Recently, he crashed his car into a Jersey barrier after dropping a slice of pizza around 2:30 in the morning. Apparently there was no hooch in his system, it’s just that he was being a big ol’ bag of dum-dum lollipops. The question that we at CBS can’t help but ask: would he have been better off cooking himself a DiGiorno frozen pizza? Let’s go to the tape.