This Week In Ridiculous Sporting News
By: Mark Chalifoux
A fighter knocking himself out, a culture investigation of a college hockey program, a girl continuing to shoot hoops while in a coma and a fighter celebrating a win by dancing with Stormtroopers are all part of This Week in Ridiculous.
An MMA fighter knocks himself out
Mixed martial arts is an amazing sport to watch but nothing makes it look more fixed than when a clown knocks himself out trying to do a kick. That’s exactly what happened to Dan Lariviere. Don’t worry, you don’t need to know his name, he’s in the Canadian beer-league equivalent of the UFC. What you do need to do is watch him knock himself out attempting a crazy kick. These sort of things usually only happen in cartoons, so if you’re friends with Lariviere, make sure he doesn’t accidentally get a birthday cake with sticks of dynamite on it instead of candles.
Boston U hockey team faces culture investigation
After two players were accused of sex crimes, the university is investigating the culture and climate on the team and whether or not it fosters a negative attitude toward women. The investigation should be of the culture of the school, however, because obviously they didn’t get the memo about athlete worship. The hockey team is supposed to be the big show on campus, so those players should have to travel with their sticks at all time just to beat off the hordes of women (or men, we don’t judge when it comes to worship) throwing themselves at players. The point is, most colleges avoid this type of embarrassment by following the old adage: “if you give a man so much fish that he gets bored of fish and starts eating multiple fish at one time, then he won’t try to steal fish. If you have to teach a man to fish, it’s because he doesn’t play sports.”
High School girl keeps shooting in coma
A high school girls basketball player in Kansas was honored this week at her school’s senior night after a career that was mainly spent battling back from a coma and lengthy hospital stay during her freshman season. Even more remarkable, she kept shooting during her coma. Her doctors said they had never seen anything like it but her shooting motion returned even before her ability to stand or walk. She would shoot hoops into a mini-hoop for a few minutes and then go back into a comatose state. She may be the first female basketball player to continue to shoot during a coma. The only male player to do the same was Rasheed Wallace during his entire last season.
High school swim team loses championship for shaving incident
A swimmer for a high school girls team in Maryland was disqualified from the county championship meet for shaving on-site before a meet. The DQ cost the team the county championship. I think the bigger question is “who busted this swimmer?” It almost had to be a rival coach/swimmer because there’s no way anyone else would care enough to report that infraction. And whoever did report it has a promising future awaiting in writing parking tickets. If there is a positive, this was probably the greatest day in some copy editor’s life as he probably used some painful pun in the headline, like “School loses championship by razor-thin margin.”
George Lucas’ daughter wins fight, celebrates with Darth Vader
George Lucas, best known for destroying the famed “Star Wars” franchise, has a daughter who is an MMA fighter. Amanda Lucas won her fight in Japan this weekend and celebrated with a bunch of people dressed up as Darth Vader and Storm Troopers. Nothing says “legitimate athlete” like clowning around with men in movie costumes. Then again, maybe this is her way of rebelling against her father since she’s clearly aligning herself with the dark side.
Mark Chalifoux is a contributing writer to CBS Local Digital Media and can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org or @markchalifoux on Twitter.